At some point in our life, we are masochists.

Sometimes, we get a certain sense of satisfaction in getting ourselves sad and lonely. Sometimes we dwell on the pain despite the hurt that it brings. Being miserable brings a comfortable-yet-discomforting role of being the victim, giving an air of moral superiority. But in the end, we end up more miserable than ever.

Yes, we endure the pain for whatever it brings.

It was over even before it really began.

Sometimes, hope is such an evil word. It forces you to anticipate, to build castles in the air, only to see all of your expectations crumble as the waves crash into the shore. All remains in the scene are dejection, sadness, disappointment, heartaches, depression.

I think hoping for something that is clearly not for you is useless; you are just deluding yourself. Sometimes one must learn to accept that some force (fate, whatever you call it) will thwart your will. Sometimes, however steadfast your dreams and aspirations are, it will not happen. These things you have to accept.

Happiness is just an illusion. Like hope. Sometimes.

Whoever did this, he/she was one naughty boy/girl: (click on the image to view full size)

Tuesday has never been my favorite day. When bad things happen in my life, they usually happen on a Tuesday. I’d rather not recount all of them.

In my experience, there are more people out on the streets on a Tuesday, much more than Monday.

There’s that scene of death early today. Have you stared death in its face?

The last time I encountered death in a personal level, it was when my paternal grandmother died in 2003. It was after the New Year festivities. As we were about to get some sleep, a cousin sent a text message, informing us about her death. To be honest, I felt nothing. I was ashamed of it, but on hindsight, I understand the feeling of nothingness.

My grandmother was in the hospital for four months till she passed away. Death stared me in the face in those months. It had prepared me to accept the inevitable – I knew she would die, the question was when. Everyday, you would ask the question, was today the day? Sadness enveloped the heart, yet she was still alive, leaving the heart calloused, till the fated day arrived. The heart was already numb by that time to even react.

The heart then went on a healing phase, regaining the feelings it had lost when sadness reigned supreme. It took me two years to realize the impact of her death. It was several days before All Saints Day of 2005. We were painting her tomb, when things came to a stand still. There I was, standing, looking at the grave. I was teary-eyed all of a sudden.

There are times when death’s impact is so sudden and jarring. The suddenness shocks the heart, triggering a wave of emotions, from denial, to anger, to despair, to depression. This is the kind of death that brings raw emotions, like how a tidal wave crashes to the shore.

I saw someone die. I can’t remember when it was exactly; I think I was in university at that time, so that would be around 1994-1997. We were living along Rizal Avenue Extension, on the southbound side, which is west. On the other side is the main gate of the Chinese Cemetery. Directly infront was an estero. An old man (around 50s) was sitting at a wide ledge before the estero, looking very sick. Suddenly, he vomited blood, lots of it. Then he collapsed. He was dead.

Then early today. I did not see the child die. I only saw signs of his death – the tattered clothes, blood marks in the pedestrian lane, the pool of crimson under the trailer. When that old man passed away, I felt nothing. People in the neighboorhood were even joking that we were lucky dinuguan (blood stew) was not the meal of the day. But today, upon seeing those tattered clothes, I felt my blood run cold. I almost had nausea. I felt despair.

Just how bad Tuesdays are? Right now, I am not feeling well. There was this sudden negative emotional outburst that was luckily contained within. I cannot explain at this moment why it happened. Maybe because it was Tuesday. Not my day, no sir.

This is not only annoying, it is also slightly troubling.

I rarely get to watch TV, and when I do, I usually catch the early morning shows for news (and if I am lucky, I get to see Music Station on my free time). Even the local news shows are troublesome, to say it nicely.

So early today, I was waiting for the news at GMA’s morning show. The first news portion was usually preceded by that mobile stage and poor production called Mobile Tambayan. Anyway, today the mobile stage was at a certain school, and featured students playing “Joy to the world” using bamboo flutes.

The next was shocking. And jarring. And ultimately, annoying.

GMA7 played “My Boy Lollipop.”

PS: I am also annoyed by one of GMA’s reporters when this reporter goes to deliver live report. Can’t that reporter just record the report to minimize errors and extraneous words?

UPDATE:

Here is the song “My Boy Lollipop”, for those who are unfamiliar with the song.

Challenge: Translate to understandable English, and then name the author. Winner gets the UberRetardedGeek Award of 2007.

No cheating. Cheaters go to hell.

—

CAT!111!! OMG WHO HAST PASD THY GRAND CLIACT3RIC
HOW MANY MIEC AND RATS HAST IN THY DAYS
DESTROYD????! WTF – HOW MANY TIT BITS S2L3N??!?? LOL GAEZ
WITH THOSA BRIGHT LANGUID SEGMENTS GREN AND PRIK
THOSE VELVAT EARS – BUT PRYTHE DO NOT STIK
THY LAETNT TALONS IN M3 – AND UPRASEE
THY GENTL3 MAW – AND TEL MA AL THY FRAYS
OF FISH AND MIEC AND RATS AND T3NDER CHIK
NAY!!!!!! OMG WTF LOK NOT DOWN NOR LIK THY DANETY WRISTS –
FOR AL TEH WHEZY ASTHMA – AND FOR AL
THY TALES TIP SI NIKD OF – AND THOUGH TEH FISTS
OF MANY A MADE HAEV GIEVN THE MANY A MALE
STIL SI TAHT FUR AS SOFT AS WHEN DA LISTS
IN U THOU ENTERDST ON GLAS BOTLED WAL!!!111 WTF

—

Or another version, if you want:

KAT! HOO HAST PASD THY GRAND CLIACTERIC,
HOW LOTZ DA MICE AN RATS HAST IN THY DAIS
DESTROYD? – HOW LOTZ DA TIT BITS STOLEN? GAZE
WIF DOSE BRIGHT LANGUID SEGMENTS GREEN, AN PRICK
DOSE VELVET EARS – BUT PRYTHEE DO NOT STICK
THY LATENT TALONS IN ME – AN UPRAIZE
THY GENTLE MEW – AN TELL ME ALL THY FRAYS
OV FISH AN MICE, AN RATS AN TENDR CHICK.
NAY, LOOK NOT DOWN, NOR LICK THY DAINTY WRISTS –
4 ALL TEH WHEEZY ASTHMA, – AN 4 ALL
THY TAILS TIP IZ NICKD OFF – AN THOUGH TEH FISTS
OV LOTZ DA MAID HAS GIVEN THEE LOTZ DA MAIL,
STILL IZ DAT FUR AS SOFT AS WHEN TEH LISTS
IN YOUTH THOU ENTERDST ON GLAS BOTTLD WALL.

Yesterday, I got this mail from AIG Credit Cards:

Here is the image of that letter (click on the image to view in full):

Two points:

1. I have not applied for any AIG credit card this year.
2. I already have an AIG credit card, issued last year:

I am now contemplating cancelling the AIG credit card. I had used it only once.

This is stupid, an awful waste of resources. It also goes to show that there is a problem in their processes and systems.

As much I want to start this post with something as “controversial” as that, I cannot, as I am no Manolo Quezon.

Anyway, I had attended the first Bloggers’ Kapihan. Held at Philippine Science High School last Saturday, old, new, and potential new bloggers converged to listen to three of well-known Pinoy bloggers.

So, there I was at the gates, told the guards that I was there for the Kapihan, and the lady guard asked my name. My name is not on the list, despite raising my hand here. I was hoping back then that it was not a foreboding of things to come. The guard then asked if I had an invitation. This puzzled me, as I had no invitation. Only got to read this important announcement today. The lady guard just asked me to sign my name.

Then I thought I was late. Arriving at the AVR, I was surprised that the program had not started yet. It was already past 2PM. I sat myself at the back, but when I realized Mam Noemi Dado was seating in front, I had gathered all strength and sat beside her. Yes, ganun kakapal mukha ko.

At the same row, I got to meet Mong Palatino, one of the BK Crew. Saw very unfamiliar faces, though there were familiar ones, which was a comfort. Aside from Mam Noemi, I also got to talk with The Jester-in-Exile; both Mam Noemi and I were surprised to see him, him being detained by the UP College of Law for hitting the Sigma Rho too hard on several blog posts for his law studies.

Mong opened the hostilities, este the program:

Victor Villanueva was the first to speak. To be honest, his talk had the most impact for me, and I am reserving a separate, serious post about it. Basically, his assertion is simple: if you have posted something, expect people to react and be ready to defend what you have said.

Next was the Yuga himself. Here is the master at work:

And lastly, Manuel L. Quezon III:

During the coffee-and-donuts time, me and AJ and Ederic were watching The Jester-in-Exile and Benj exchanging words regarding Cris Mendez. I think The Jester won this round.

And around this time, very typical of him, came Joyfulchicken. He got two donuts and a cup of coffee; I only got a donut, and nothing to drink. He was actually eyeing those cakes and cookies, no luck for him.

Afterwards, Joyfulchicken, Tiffany, and I went to Starbucks in Katipunan to join The Jester, the Yuga, and the Filipino Librarian. When we were ordering, Joyfulchicken announce that it was his treat. I was surprised, since it was so uncharacteristic of him. Well, when he got some Starbucks gift certificates from his wallet, my surprise was gone. =P (Thanks for the vanilla frapp and the ride, Josh!)

(Image stolen from the Filipino Librarian)

Glad to have finally shook hands with Bikoy, Yuga, and MLQ3. It was actually embarassing: during the open forum, I was seated at the back together with Joyfulchicken and Tiffany when MLQ3 approached us and shook my hand.

Jove Francisco brought his crew to cover the event. Was not able to shake hands with him and thank him for the TV airtime.

And, Shari got to have her picture taken together with MLQ3. Lucky girl she is.

Anyway, more blog posts about the Bloggers’ Kapihan:

* Bakla Goes to the Bloggers’ Kapihan
* Chilling with Bloggers
* Bloggers’ Kapihan
* Bloggers’ Kapihan
* Bloggers’ Kapihan
* But.. why?
* Change of heart
* Deviations
* Bloggers’ Kapihan + Post-Event @Giligan’s Trinoma
* (Untitled)
* The First Bloggers’ Kapihan Series at the Philippine Science High School in Quezon City!

And all roundup for this event can be found here: Post-BK Blog Entries.

I have two scary memories about manghihilot. I’m not sure about the English equivalent for the word, but I don’t like to use quack doctor, for some of them are really quite good. Anyway, these two manghihilot were consulted when I was terribly sick (sending me to a hospital was court of last resort).

These manghihilot were like shamaness. They had this ritual called tawas, wherein they threw melted candle wax into a basin of water, then they interpret whatever they saw in the solidified candle wax. By then they would have determined if you were a victim of supernatural creatures (pinagkatuwaan ng dwende or natikbalang – played with by dwarfs or by a creature with a head of a horse and body of a man) or something else (like pilay), then they would prescribe something.

Anyway, the first manghihilot was scary because she looked scary. She was very old and very thin, the kind that you would see in a vintage 80s Regal horror movie. For the tawas sessions, what she did was to cut a portion of a thin, white candle called “esperma”, put this on a spoon, then hover the spoon over a lighted candle. When the candle wax was melted, she poured it on a basin of water. Then the interpretation.

The next manghihilot was scarier. Aside from the fact that she looked scary (though she was younger than the first manghihilot), her tawas method was downright scary. Instead of using a spoon, she used a bolo. Yes. A large, dark, almost rusty bolo. What she did was to put the bolo in candle light. When that side of the bolo was hot enough, she would press the butt end of an esperma, and the melted wax fell on the basin.

Good thing I only had one session with the bolo-wielding manghihilot.

And oh, they were manghihilot in the true sense of the word – they can break your bones and make your muscles hurt in pain if needed. Now that is scary.

Here are some shots using Sony Ericsson P1i’s 3.2 megapixel camera. Note that Photobucket has reduced the image size to 1024×768 pixels, from the original 2048×1536. Click the image to view in full.

An officemate gave me a pair of teddy bear hamsters. At the top is Berto, below is Berta. Temporary names – everyone in the family hate the names.

These are usual MRT scenes. The top one is common on morning rush hour, between 7:30 AM and 9:00 AM. The next image was taken from the North Avenue MRT station platform’s edge, and shown is where the trains shift from northbound to southbound rails. The time it takes for the train to move from northbound platform to the southbound platform is what I call turnaround time, and is crucial to the clockwork operations of a train system. For the MRT, well….

Maybe I should consider a career in photoblogging. Hmmmm…..