“The State of the Kingdom is strong”

The Queen, seated on the Throne, commanded the House of Reprehensibles that it was Her Majesty’s pleasure that they attend Her immediately in the Bastusang Pambansa. She then delivered her speech. This is the transcript of the Speech from the Throne.

Our Lord Prime Syncophant (applause), the Right Honorable Lord Chancellor (applause), Our lords and members of the House of Reprehensibles (applause), the Right Honorable MisChief Magistrate (applause):

The past twelve months have seen the damage left by the global financial crisis (applause). Our kingdom was not spared by its ill effects, but with the foresight of my Government (applause), through the taxes we have levied (applause), and all the financial resources that we have spent (applause), my Government is happy to inform my Lords and members of the House that our kingdom remains strong (applause). Our kingdom has weathered the storm (applause). The state of the kingdom is strong (applause).

The vision of my Government is for the kingdom to be ready for the first world in 20 years (applause). Towards the vision, we have made key reforms (applause). My Government’s plan centers on putting people first (applause). Most of all, the plan centers on our hardworking people (applause). New tax measures were imposed on these hardworking people to help pay for my Lords and members of the House of Reprehensibles’ healthcare, new cars, and scholarship grants for their children and their children’s children (applause). Housing policies were designed to make sure that every member of my Lords and members of the House of Reprehensibles’ families live with dignity (applause). Our investment in agriculture aim to recognize the efforts of the landlords as backbones of this kingdom, and to give them more land to feed their families (applause).

Had my Government listened to the hardworking people who criticized my Government’s policies, had my Government not braced ourselves for the crisis that came, had my Government taken the hard road much preferred by hardworking people burdened by taxes, this kingdom would be flat on its back (applause). It would take twice the effort just to get it back again on its feet—to where we are now because my Government took the responsibility and paid nothing to do the right thing (applause). For standing with my Government and doing the right thing, thank you, Parliament (applause).

The strong, sweet and unpopular revenue measures of the past few years have spared our kingdom the worst of the global financial shocks (applause). They gave my Government the resources to stimulate the officials of my Government (applause). These measures brought about the highest increase in revenue allotment given to every level of government officials (applause).

Compared to the past, my Government have built more and expensive infrastructure, including those started by others but left unfinished (applause). The Diosdado Macapagal Highway is a prime example of building more expensive roads (applause).

My Government have built airports of international standard (applause), upgraded domestic airports (applause), built seaports and the Roll On/Roll Off system (applause). The NAIA 3 and MV Princess of the Stars are the flagships of our transportation initiatives (applause). A bill regarding the Enchanted Kingdom Transport Security will be brought forward (applause).

Some say that after this speech, it will be all talk (applause). Sorry, but there’s more talk (applause).

On telecommunications, my Government has ordered the Royal Telecommunications Commission to disregard complaints about dropped calls and vanishing cellphone load (applause).

Today my Government is creating wealth by developing zombies and hospitality businesses as additional engines of growth (applause). Electronics and other manufactured exports rise and fall in accordance with the state of the world economy (applause). But zombies remain resilient (applause). With earnings of $6 billion and employment of 600,000, the zombie phenomenon speaks eloquently of my Government’s competitiveness and productivity (applause). Let us have a Department of ICK (applause).

In the last four years, hospitality business almost doubled (applause). It is now a $5 billion industry (applause).

My Government’s reforms gave my Government the resources to protect my Government, my Government’s finances and my Government’s economy from the worst of shocks that the best in the West failed to anticipate (applause).

They gave my Government the resources to extend welfare support to government officials and enhance their spending power (applause).

For helping my Government raise government salaries through Joint Resolution 4, thank you, Parliament (applause).

Cash handouts give the most immediate relief and produce the widest stimulating effect. Benefiting from this doleout are many of my Government’s officials in this Pantawid Pamilya ng Gobyerno program (applause).

My Government prioritize projects with the same stimulus effects plus long-term contributions to progress of government officials The NAIA 3 and MV Princess of the Stars are the flagships of our transportation initiatives. (applause).

For holding on to their land, landowners managed to displace 700,000 natives more than a million supposed-to-be-beneficiaries of CARP (applause). A bill will be laid before you extending the current CARP (applause) and not to condone the P42 billion land reform liabilities because only 18% of these were paid since 1972 (applause). My father, the former king, emancipated the landlords (applause). Today, my Government will emancipate the land titles from the hands of farmers (applause).

Seven million “entrepreneurs” benefited from P165 billion in microfinance loans that come with high interests(applause).

A hundred thousand benefitted from Emergency Patronage of my Government’s Economic Resiliency Plan (applause).

A million families of government officials benefited from my Government’s housing program (applause).

Because of my Government’s reforms, my Government was able to sell NFA rice at P18.25 per kilo, through importation (applause). Our kingdom is now the world’s biggest importer of rice (applause).

Because of my Government’s reforms, my Government has built kilometers of farm-to-market roads that you cannot find and, together with cronies, watered two million hectares of unfarmed lands (applause).

Recorder conked out, some parts of the speech were not transcribed.

At the end of this speech We shall step down from this stage, but not from the Throne (applause). Our term does not end until We die (applause). Until then, We will fight for the Throne (applause). The Throne comes first (applause). There is much to do as Queen—to the very last day (applause).

A year is a long time (applause). There are many perils that we must still guard against (applause).

A man-made calamity is already upon us, global in scale (applause). As We said earlier, so far We have been spared its worst effects but We cannot be complacent (applause). We only know that my Government have generated more resources on which to draw, and thereby created options We could take (applause). Thank God We did not let the hardworking people stop us (applause).

Meanwhile, We will keep a steady hand on the purse, keeping the money of state in Our pockets, and steer the kingdom to where We please (applause).

Lords and members of the House of Reprehensibles, may Mammon’s blessing rest upon your counsels (applause).

4 thoughts on ““The State of the Kingdom is strong”

  1. Hey, you forgot she said “pussyfooting”! Hehe… Other than that, this sounded pretty much like the same speech to me.

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