Tales from the Toilet

Clothes make a man, some people say. I disagree. His actions in the toilet defines the man. The toilet is one common denominator – almost all human beings use it for sanitary purposes. Whether if it’s just a hole in the floor, a bowl with automatic flush, or just the canal, we all need it.

We are taught several things with regards to the use of toilets, from washing your hands after use, to flushing, to throwing things at the right places, to minding your own business. Those are simple rules, right? Unfortunately, these rules are lost to some people. And most shocking is that even professionals forget these simple rules.

I mean, it is normal to see common people violate these rules, specially in public toilets. You’d see toilet paper, cigarette butts, candy wrappers, even condoms in toilet bowls in the public toilet. From time to time, you’d see sh*t in bowls. That is almost normal, with the world-famous discipline Pinoys are known for and perpetually-waterless Manila, it can’t be helped. Those pink urinals are maladorous evidences. More on that later.

But to see these rules violated in company toilets is an altogether shocking experience. After all, we all assume that those who work in offices (much more transnational ones) are PROFESSIONALS, and with that comes an assumption that professionals know how to behave in toilets. Oh well I am wrong. Terribly wrong.

In some toilets, rules are posted where you can read them. (Yep, while sitting in the throne, you can read the rules.) In some places, rules are stated in several languages. The rules are stated in simple language, clearly understandable. That’s why I keep on scratching my head when I see these rules violated. Cmon, I know it is sometimes tough to sit in the bowl, sometimes sapping your concentration and energy, but those are no excuse not to read AND follow the rules. And professional courtesy man, courtesy.

That’s why it is shameful that in the office, there are those who do not know how to use the toilet.

One time, I went to relieve myself, only to be stopped by the stench. WTF?!@#@! So there, in all its glory, was sh*t covered with toilet paper. I hazard several guesses: (1) he doesn’t know how to operate the flush mechanism; (2) he could not stand the smell of his “produce”, he immediately wiped his bottom and scrammed out; (3) he was thinking about a certain problem regarding work that he forgot to flush the toilet (I do hope he didn’t forget to wipe his bottom); or (4) he concentrated so hard on the “task”, that flushing was no longer possible.

Unfortunately, this phenomenon is not limited to men. My female colleagues (my betters, come to think of it) shared the same story last night. Imagine that! Women who do not flush after use! The nerve! The decorum!

Back to those pink urinals in the streets. I’m not sure, it’s either men have poor shooting sights, or the construction of those urinals are faulty, they keep on leaking urine. I mean, the urinal has a tube that goes directly to the canal. So why do we see those leaks trickling away from the urinal into the sidewalk, the road? No man would admit he shoots poorly, so we can say with confidence that those urinals are defective.

And can we ask a favor? If a urinal is fronting your house/business/barangay, can you please flush the urinal with water from time to time? I am disgressing.

Ok, for a more scary (or titillating, if you are the type) story. One time, I was relieving myself in a urinal stall here in the office toilet, when someone came in. When I was through and was about to exit, I saw a man in front of the mirror, top off. He was checking his muscled bod. Kidding. Anyway, how was I to react? I went out. It gave me the creeps. Why did he have to do that there? Hell, there are toilet stalls there, where he could do anything he wanted.

Our actions in the toilet tell who we are. So keep your sh*ts in order. And extend courtesy to others – pull that damn lever!

(NOTE: I am reposting this old entry. The message remains true to this day.)