An open letter to a friend

Hi, Ice.

First, thanks for the rather surprising email. Glad to hear from you. As much as I want to create a long reply, my brain’s dead, no thanks to stupidity, loneliness, the weather, stupidity, loneliness, the weather, wash, rinse, repeat (not in particular order).

Second, the ad is not that urgent. Don’t push yourself too hard for that. It’s not worth your health. OK?

Third, yes, I felt that I was left out, and please understand that during those times (and up to now, I guess), I was (am) one lonely person. Heck, I have almost given up looking for someone to love and instead be a best friend someone could have. But how can I be, when my own friends I don’t even know at all?

For three years, I have been thinking if what’s wrong with me. I have a family, I have a nice-paying job, yet why do I always feel lonely? I have friends, but do they really treat me as such? Why do I feel so left out all the time? Why do I always have to be the last to know? Am I not communicating right?

I always ask those questions up to now. I have no answers. Yet. Maybe there are no answers. Maybe the answers are just there, and I can’t see them yet. Maybe I’m looking at things using dark glasses. Yet time’s fast catching up on me, and I am afraid of something.

In the novelization of a Star Trek movie, there was a scene where the lead character almost died when he fell off climbing a mountain with no safety gear. He was scolded by his friends, but he said: “I know I will not die, because I have my friends with me. I know I will die alone.”

I know I will die alone. That statement has stuck in my mind. That is my greatest fear.

So I hope you understand what caused the post. I know the cause of that post was childish and stupid. I hope I have conveyed my apologies for such embarrassing juvenile remarks. It was so petty, I am scolding myself for adding to your worries, when I should be working to help you lessen your worries! What kind of friend am I! I’m so ashamed of myself!

Take care of your health. All your dreams, all the things you want to do, depend on you being strong to pursue them. Take it easy, for you have all the time in the world. It is not a race, it is a journey. Enjoy each step, for you cannot go back. When your health is no more, you cannot turn back the clock.

And lastly: treasure your friends. The true ones will stick to you through thick and thin. They will catch you everytime you fall, they will lift you up when you are down and out. Some of them will leave you, but at least you’ll know who your true friends are.

I remain, your friend,
The Prince in Hell