Author Archives: Arbet Bernardo

8
Feb

Annoyance of the Week: Huli ka!

Posted by | Categories Journal | Tagged ,

Yesterday, I got a call in the office.

Telemarketer (T): Hello, is this ARBERT (sic) Bernardo?

Me (M): Speaking. (Annoyed by the mispronounced name.)

T: Hi, sir, this is ***** from *bank*, I would like to follow up on your credit card application.

M: What credit card application? (I have an idea this is just an agent who knows nothing but my misspelled name and office phone.)

T: You have a pending application with us sir.

M. Oh, ok. (Damn right I have.)

T: Do you have another credit card, sir?

M: Yes, from *bank 2*.

T: Aside from that?

M: That’s all. (Actually I have 3 more from different banks, but why should I tell her?)

T: Sir, may I know your birth date?

M: But I thought I have a pending application? It should be right there, right?

T: (Begins mumbling and fumbling) I have to verify sir.

M: There is no application, right?

T: (Surrenders) Sir, our supervisor just gave me your name and phone number.

M: Sorry, not interested.

T: Ok, sir.

End of call.

6
Feb

A renegade PNP or a lying Fortress? (Updated)

Posted by | Categories Ink | Tagged ,

Is the Fortress in control of this country or are there renegade officials under its wing?

When star witness turned chicken Rodoldo Lozada Jr. arrived from Hong Kong yesterday, he was taken by some people, one of which was later known to be a policeman. Lozada’s family, including his wife, were super worried, though according to Romy Neri (another chicken) Lozada was able to call him and said he was OK.

All eyes are on the Fortress, who quickly denied any knowledge of Lozada’s whereabout. Well, the Fortress should have asked Mamang Pulis TSIP himself. PNP’s Director General, Avelino Razon Jr., admits that Lozada is under PNP’s custody. Razon did not disclose where he is right now, but says that Lozada had requested for security.

Razon and the Fortress have a lot of explaining to do. First, they should get a good scriptwriter. Their lies are so obvious. If Lozada had requested for security, shouldn’t he have informed his family first? He could call Neri but not his wife?

Second, Razon claims that a brother of Lozada had also requested the PNP to provide the chicken some security. Then how come this brother has not surfaced to tell that? His siblings and his sister-in-law are all worried, and he won’t tell them?

Third, Razon inadvertently admitted that they had impeded the Senate’s arrest warrant against Lozada. Yay. The Senate should now summon Razon and cite him in contempt. But who am I kidding?

Anyway, the fact speaks for itself. The PNP is operating without the knowledge of the Fortress. Yay, renegade police. Or the Fortress has lied, again. Take your pick.

UPDATE:

The ABS-CBN report linked above states that Lozada has met his family according to Razon. How come his wife is going to the Supreme Court to file for a writ of habeas corpus? (The petition has been filed since lunch time, rendering Razon’s claims as lies. Unless Lozada has another family, of course.)Senator Panfilo Lacson scores the PNP for brazen lying. I agree.

The Senate intends to file obstruction of justice against airport officials. I suggest they include the PNP in such a case.

5
Feb

The House at its all time low (Updated)

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I think a congresswoman’s explanation of her vote best sums up why the majority of congressmen voted to unseat Pangasinan Representative Jose de Venecia, Jr. as Speaker of the House of Reprehensibles. If I remember correctly, her vote has something to do with staff, pork barrel, and projects.

In short, it is all about the money.

And if gossip is right, the price for a yes vote was Php 1 million – the half paid after the vote. So, that would be Php 174 million. Neat. No wonder everyone wants to be a congressman.

Here’s the list of how congressmen voted last night. See if your congressman voted yes, and then ask him/her to show you the money.

For residents of district 2 of Caloocan, Mary Mitzi “Mitch” Cajayon voted yes. So yes, you can ask her money for your needs and projects. (And to think I shook hands with her when she campaigned last year *shudders* When I get to register in Caloocan, I will definitely not vote for her. I mean, come on. We are all for change and reform, but what happened last night was not for change and reform. Lokohin nyo lelang nyo.)

Seriously, if JDV meant what he said, and assuming all he said was true, then his removal was a calculated move by the Fortress. If JDV really knows a lot, the vote last night was a big risk for the Fortress, yet it pushed for such a vote. Maybe the Fortress is assuming that the fallout will be minimal. The Fortress is banking on JDV’s very low credibility (see this post and this post, for example); that the people would assume that JDV was just mounting a desperate attempt to save his seat. The Fortress is operating on the assumption that the people is on a “let’s move on” mentality. On that, the Fortress is correct – we have been in that mode since 2005.

An act of desperation, maybe. But a desperate man will do anything because he has nothing more to lose.

—

In one part of his speech, JDV warned that if it had happened to him, it will happen to others, too. That’s what I have been telling everyone since 2005.

UPDATE:

It seems that the Arroyo regime knows the pulse of the people. After stabbing JDV with 174 knives, the Fortress attempts to downplay his “exposes”, calling him “too late the hero.” And the Fortress is prolly right, based on initial reactions from bloggers.

5
Feb

Technical problems

Posted by | Categories Journal | Tagged ,

I am aware that this site has been out of the radar from time-to-time since Saturday. Actually, there were intermittent outages last week, lasting from 30 minutes to an hour. But what had happened last weekend and yesterday was troublesome.

At home, I use Smart 3G as my Internet connection. This past weekend, I wasn’t able to access this site at all. As in, all I got from Firefox was “page reset” yada yada. I had confirmed with a friend that the site was inaccessible, but another friend had no problems viewing the site. Weird.

Then, yesterday. I was maintaining a deathwatch for Jose de Venecia’s speakership when I couldn’t access this site at 3PM (I was not using Smart 3G). Another friend sent me text message telling me that my site was goners. I went out of the office at quarter to six in the evening, and I still couldn’t access it. At the bus, via YM on mobile, I asked another friend to check it out. It was around 6:30 PM, and the site was still inaccessible.

At 8PM, at home, I couldn’t access the site using Smart 3G, but two of my friends using PLDT myDSL reported that they could access it.

Now, I can access it here at work. But we’ll see at around 3PM.

Now, may I ask for your help? When you attempt to access this site and seen nothing, please send an email to awb[at]awbholdings.com, detailing the time and day when you attempted to access this site. Please send an email for every failed attempt. I will document this situation and hopefully forward them to my Web host. I will appreciate it very much.

Yes, I had opened a support ticket last Sunday; as of this moment (9:24 AM, 2/5/2008), the ticket is unacted upon.

PS: Please visit my LiveJournal in case this site is goners.

4
Feb

Goodbye, Speaker de Venecia (Updated)

Posted by | Categories Ink | Tagged ,

Should we maintain a death watch?

2/3/2008 10:11 PM ABS-CBN News – Amado Bagatsing of Manila says at least 143 congressmen have committed to sign a manifesto declaring loss of confidence to Speaker Jose de Venecia.

2/4/2008 8:54 AM GMA News – A defiant de Venecia nixes graceful exit, vows to fight on the floor. We are statesmen, not gangsters – heh. Nice shot, JDV.

2/4/2008 9:48 AM ABS-CBN News – JDV is still defiant, claims that congressmen were offered at most Php 1 million each to support his ouster. Yay, congressmen for sale. Lobbyist should stop lobbying and instead start buying congressmen, no?

2/4/2008 10:21 AM GMA News – Administration congressmen start arriving at the Fortress for the caucus to decide on what to do with de Venecia. The Mafia doesn’t engage in talks. If they want to kill, they contract someone to do it.

2/4/2008 1:07 PM GMA News – Another lease of life for de Venecia? Caucus fails to unseat JDV, mini-caucuses to be held tomorrow. Here’s an advice to congressmen: PUT UP OR SHUT UP.

UPDATE:

Starting 3PM yesterday, I couldn’t access this site, hence the last update was about the removal apparently wouldn’t materialize yesterday, which it did. Well, you know the rest of the story, so it is indeed goodbye, de Venecia as speaker.

1
Feb

Eleksyon sa 2010: Mga mahalagang isyu, 3

Posted by | Categories Ink | Tagged ,

May panawagan si Janette Toral para sa isang pagtalakay sa mga paksa na nauugnay sa halalang pambansa sa taong 2010, kasama na rito ang pag-anyaya sa iba pang mga blogger.

Magkakaroon ako ng serye ng mga pagtalakay tungkol sa mga isyu na dapat talakayin. Sa bawat pagtalakay, magsasaad ako ng isang isyu, magpapaliwanag kung bakit ito dapat maging isang isyu, at ang aking saloobin tungkol sa nasabing isyu.

Hindi natin maitatanggi na malaki ang nagagawa ng ating mga OFW sa ekonomiya ng ating bansa. Noong nakaraang taon, umabot sa US$13.1 bilyon ang ipinadala ng mg OFW – iyan ay mula Enero hanggang Nobyembre, at ipinadala sa pamamagitan ng mga bangko. Hindi pa kasama yung mga ipinadala noong Disyembre at yung mga hindi dumaan sa bangko. Kaya nga ang iba sa atin, tinatawag silang mga bagong bayani.

Pero bakit parang hindi bayani ang turing sa kanila ng ating pamahalaan? Bakit parang gatasan ang pagtingin ng rehimeng Arroyo sa mga OFW?

Tingnan ninyo itong ginawa ng Philippine Overseas Employment Administration. May mga ilang kasing mga OFW na direktang inempleyo – hindi sila dumaan sa recruiter, at hindi sila dumaan sa red tape ng POEA. Mukhang medyo naging wa-is yata ang mga employer, kaya medyo naguluhimanan ang POEA. Naglabas ito ng isang kautusan para makontrol ang tinatawag na direct employment. Mabuti kung inyong i-download ang nasabing panuntunan at maunawaan kung bakit kailangan nilang gawin ito.

Hindi ko tatalakayin ang nasabing panuntunan. Pakibasa ang ginawang pagtuligsa ng Lukayong Layas sa nasabing panuntunan. Ang masasabi ko lang: isa itong legal na pagnanakaw.

Bakit ito dapat maging isang isyu? Maraming hindi magandang naidudulot ang pag-alis ng mga Pilipino upang magtrabaho sa isang pamilya. Pero alam natin na mahirap maghanap ng magandang trabaho rito sa Pilipinas, lalo na para sa mga hindi nakapagtapos. Ok lang sana kung kaya ng minimum na pasahod ang cost of living, pero marami sa inyo ang nakakaalam na mahirap ang buhay, lalo ngayon na hindi naman bumababa ang presyo ng mga pangunahing bilihin. Iyon namang iba, bagamat nakatapos ng pag-aaral, hindi makahanap ng trabaho na hindi sila masasadlak sa isang mesa at headset. Kaya napipilitan ang karamihan na makipagsapalaran at maghanap ng trabaho sa ibang bansa.

Pero ang mas mabigat na suliranin – ang tinatawag nating brain drain – ang pag-alis ng mga doktor, nars, guro, siyentipiko at inhinyero. Malaki ang epekto nito sa ating bansa.

Ano ba ang polisiya ng ating pamahalaan ukol rito? Ano ba ang gusto natin mangyari – ipagpatuloy na gawing pang-export ang ating mga manggagawa? Kaya siguro naisip ng POEA ang nasabing panuntunan – malaking pera rin yun. Pera nga, iyon eh kung may mga employer pa na mangahas na direktang kumuha ng tao. Halatang hindi na naman pinag-isipan ang desisyong ito.

Ano dapat ang maging polisiya natin para maiwasan ang brain drain?

—

Huwag kalimutang bumoto sa aking sarbey, kung hindi ka pa nakakaboto.

30
Jan

2010 Philippine Elections: Important issues, 2

Posted by | Categories Ink | Tagged

Janette Toral posted a call for a discussion of issues relevant to the 2010 Philippine presidential elections, tagging a lot of bloggers in the process.

Instead of one post, I will make a series of post about this topic, and it will be an issue or two per post, hopefully. For every post, I will state an issue, explain why it should be an issue, and share my thoughts on the issue.

If you ask me why we should bother ourselves with the issue of electoral reforms, my answer will be short and sweet: 2005.

The Hello, Garci controversy had shook this nation from its forced stupor. Faced with the prospect of an Estrada comeback via proxy, most of us decided to choose the lesser evil, a choice that no one should have made since there are other choices during that election year (2004). After Gloria Arroyo “won”, everyone but the opposition had decided to stop thinking about politics and instead “channel their efforts into more constructive means of change,” effectively surrendering to the rotten political system we have. But when those wiretap tapes surfaced, many had realized that choosing the lesser evil was a stupid choice after all.

The controversy had shown that the electoral system we have now is easy to maneuver and manipulate. Before 2007, many groups called for electoral reforms, first through automation, and second by appointing competent people to the Commission on Elections. Both came to naught.

Why should this be an issue? At this point, we can all agree that our electoral system is broken, and it needs fixing. And we don’t act now, 2010 will be just a repeat of 2004 and 2007, with almost the same cast of characters. The operators are still around, and those who have retired are probably replaced with people trained for “special operations.” If we want to have leaders as truly elected by the people, we must not allow operators to impose their will on us.

How do we go about it? Two fronts attacking a single problem – fixing a broken system. First front – eliminating the chance for cheats to beat the system. Many people mistakenly think that automation is the end-all and be-all of electoral reforms. Not only this is short-sighted thinking, it is stupid. Like any system, an automated system is composed of several parts, and the weakest link in that system? People. And that is the second front – eliminating the cheats.

That is why appointing the right people for impending vacancies in the Comelec is crucial. These people must be highly competent, upright, honest, brave, and without integrity problems. The nominees should be selected carefully, and the people must be allowed to scrutinize the nominees’ records and voice their opposition. The nomination or selection process should be transparent.

Anyway, I will not tackle the first part, since it is technical in nature. Let’s leave that to the geeks. I think The Jester-in-Exile has a series of blog posts about election automation. The only thing I can share is KISS – keep it simple, stupid!

Still, it all boils down to a trustworthy bureaucracy – people, in a word. If we allow operators to remain within the system, any reform is useless. If we allow people of questionable reputation to sit in Comelec, reforms are impossible.

How do you think should we go with electoral reforms? Share your thoughts at the comments.

—

Don’t forget to vote in my poll, in case you haven’t voted yet.

29
Jan

Installing gOS over Ubuntu

Posted by | Categories Byte | Tagged , ,

If you want to install the cool gOS look over Ubuntu Linux, do the following.

1. Edit your software repository list to include gOS. Open a terminal window (Applications>Accessories>Terminal), and type sudo gedit /etc/apt/sources.list.

2. Enter the following:
deb http://packages.thinkgos.com/gos/ painful main

3. Save the file.

a. You must also add the key so that aptitude will not warn you that the source is untrusted. At the terminal enter
wget http://www.thinkgos.com/files/gos_repo_key.asc

b. Add the key by entering the following on the terminal
sudo apt-key add gos_repo_key.asc

c. Update aptitude through this command
sudo aptitude update

4. To install gOS via terminal, I suggest using aptitude instead of apt-get. It makes the removal easier (in case you want to revert to plain Ubuntu). Note that you need an Internet connection for this one. Enter the command
sudo aptitude install greenos-desktop

5. After installation, log out. In the login screen, press F10. Click on Select Sessions, then click on Enlightenment. Click Ok.

6. After entering your user name and password, you will be prompted whether to make Enlightenment as the default desktop. If you are just checking, click Just this time.

And you will now see the default green theme.

Enlightenment desktop

To remove gOS, issue this command at the terminal:

sudo aptitude remove enlightenment

Aptitude will automatically remove greenos-desktop package.

ADVANCED MODE:

Enlightenment DR17 is the environment used by gOS. If you want the latest version installed, add this line to the repository list (follow step one above):

deb http://e17.dunnewind.net/ubuntu gutsy e17

On the terminal, use aptitude to install the latest Enlightenment:

sudo aptitude install enlightenment

Note that DR17 is still under heavy development, and may be buggy. The upside is that you get the latest modules and gadgets (like the mixer and network gadgets).

If you want to try the beta of the new version, named Rocket, add this to the repo list instead of the one stated at step 1:

deb http://packages.thinkgos.com/gos/ reloaded main

Be warned, though. According to a post in Ubuntu Forums, installing Rocket will remove several packages, including network-manager.

(Steps taken from the unofficial gOS Forum.)

28
Jan

2010 Philippine Elections: Important issues, 1

Posted by | Categories Ink | Tagged

Janette Toral posted a call for a discussion of issues relevant to the 2010 Philippine presidential elections, tagging a lot of bloggers in the process.

Instead of one post, I will make a series of post about this topic, and it will be an issue or two per post, hopefully. For every post, I will state an issue, explain why it should be an issue, and share my thoughts on the issue.

For this post, I will be tackling two issues of the near term: personality-vs-issue oriented elections, and the possibility of NO-EL or a shift to a parliamentary system.

—

If I was a pessimist (to a degree, I am), I would have retorted that elections and issues are like oil and water – in the Philippine context, they don’t mix. Since the time of Magsaysay, our national politics tended to be personality-oriented instead of issue-oriented. And with the 1987 Constitution instituting a multi-party system, the incentive for parties to campaign on issues was lost. I guess the main issue that all of us must agree on is that to make the 2010 elections issue-oriented instead of personality-oriented. This will be a tough act: the system is stacked against the idea of an issue-driven election.

Why is this an issue? Simple. We keep on complaining on the way our candidates campaign. We keep on asking for their ideas, their platforms. Yet they continue on ignoring such calls. Why? Because majority of the people prefer to be entertained than to be informed and enlightened.

Yeah, I know, it can be circular. But that is the nature of the beast. What can we do about this situation? We must engage our politicians in a discussion of issues. We pick on their brains, ask them pointed questions, seek out their opinions on issues. We must have a platform wherein a candidate and voters can interact: voters can post questions about issues and advocacies; candidates can answer queries, share their views and plans, and solicit support. Blogging is one such platform, though several caveats. One, majority of Filipinos do not have direct access to the Internet. People who rent by the hour tends to do personal tasks online (like visit a social network site, communicate with friends or relatives, or play online games). Two, most politicians are not really tech savvy as bloggers would want them to be. Then again, the platform is there, and it is up to the people (that includes you, dear reader) to use it.

—

Of course, the most immediate issue that needs to be addressed: Charter Change, the Arroyo bogey that surfaces every year.

The 2007 elections were bittersweet. The administration won handily in the local elections but lost the Senate. The rationale for a Charter change is nebulous. The cover was supposed to be a shift to a parliamentary system, the current system being bad (a subtle dig against the incumbent?). The real reason, as most people are wont of saying, is to have a good end-scenario for Gloria Arroyo. The 2006 experience was a bitter defeat for Jose de Venecia and his allies: they wanted to change the Constitution via Constituent Assembly, but they face an opposition Senate, and a threat from the Roman Catholic church forced JDV and his allies to retreat.

Also, a people’s initiative track was taken, by Sigaw ng Bayan, but it was strucked down by the Supreme Court in Lambino v. Comelec.

So it was imperative for the administration to win the Senate last year, if it wanted the Constituent Assembly mode of Charter Change. Alas, it lost the Senate. Or has it?

Taking into consideration the fact that Gloria Arroyo is looking at 2010, and it is not good. She can be assured that once she loses her immunity, she will face criminal cases left and right. Slowly fading into the night is not an option for her.

That is why I keep on attaching a caveat anytime I talk about 2010: if there will be an election. I find it highly amusing that many are actually looking forward to 2010. For some people, it will be a welcome change after nine years of Arroyo. But will there be change come 2010?

Why is this an issue? Why talk about 2010 if we do not pay attention and let the Congress rob us of a national elections? It is simple as that.

The short-term outlook is that Cha-cha is close to impossible at this point, and Arroyo has no choice but to step down in 2010, barring any extra-constitutional reasons to stay on. I repeat: barring any extra-constitutional reasons to stay on. Never discount the impossible, as a desperate person resorts to desperate measures. So it is important for us to again keep watch, and stop any efforts to ditch a national elections come 2010.

Unless that is what you want, of course.

—

Up next: Electoral reforms. And do watch Man of the Year for context. Join the discussion: make a blog post about issues that you think should matter in the 2010 elections, or leave a comment expressing your views on the matter.

And don’t forget to vote in my poll, in case you haven’t voted yet.

25
Jan

Rumble at the ULTRA: The Network Wars 2008

Posted by | Categories Journal | Tagged ,

(Fireworks start to dazzle a cheering audience.)

Michael Cole (MC): Listen to that crowd! Welcome, everyone, to Rumble at the Ultra: The Network Wars 2008! We are live here at the Philsports Arena, formerly known as the ULTRA, with 32,345 capacity crowd, and millions of people watching at their homes! This spectacular show is brought to you by Radio Cubao, AWB Holdings, Baratillo@Cubao, and Exiled Productions. My name is Michael Cole, and here with me at ringside, is Arbet Loggins!

Arbet Loggins (AL): Michael, this is just awesome! Ladies and gentlemen, this is the second match in a series to settle that noisy, stupid, annoying ratings war! The two warring networks either put up or shut up, ladies and gentlemen! There’s nothing like a brawl to settle differences, Michael!

MC: I agree, Arbet! Folks, this match is a battle royale. The rules are simple – throw your opponent over the top rope, and the last man standing in the ring wins for his or her network. And for the first time, this is an inter-gender battle royale – you heard it right, folks, men and women of the newsroom of the two networks will slug it out for honor!

AL: You know what, Michael, this match will surely excite someone out there. One of these networks has been relentless against this person, and surely that person will cheer for the other network. And with that person’s penchant to interfere, anything can happen!

MC: You are right about that, Arbet. ABS-CBN better watch its back.

(ABS-CBN’s TV Patrol theme plays on the PA, and spotlights center on the entrance way. ABS-CBN’s station ID video plays on the screen. The ring bell is struck, and Michael Buffer goes into the center of the ring.)

Michael Buffer (MB): Welcome to Rumble at the ULTRA: The Network Wars 2008, the no-holds-barred battle to settle, once and for all, that ratings grudge between ABS-CBN and GMA. The Rumble is the second in a series of matches for the Network Wars. This match, sponsored by Radio Cubao, AWB Holdings, Baratillo.Net, and Exiled Productions, is a battle royale of 30 men and women, to determine who is telling the truth! Let’s get rrrready to ruuuuuuumble!

(Crowd cheers.)

MB: Currently going down the aisle, the anchors and reporters of ABS-CBN’s news and current affairs department – Korina Sanchez, Karen Davila, Ted Failon, Julius Babao, Henry Omaga-Diaz, Anthony Taberna, Tintin Bersola, Bernadette Sembrano, Adrian Ayalin, RG Cruz, Alvin Elchico, Jerry Baja, Ricky Velasco, Israel Malasa, and Alex Santos!

(Crowd cheers, though some boos.)

MC: Arbet, look at that! And oh, there’s Maria Ressa, she manages a menacing team.

AL: Don’t be deceived, Michael, it is not as formidabble as it seems. Some of these guys have issues with each other, so it remains to be seen.

(The ABS-CBN team enters the ring. Korina and Karen are not talking with each other. GMA’s 24 Oras theme plays on the PA, and the GMA team walks along the entranceway.)

MB: And their opponents, representing GMA news and public affairs – Mike Enriquez, Mel Tiangco, Arnold Clavio, Cesar Apolinario, Oscar Oida, Love Añover, Kara David, Nelson Canlas, Raffy Tima, Sandra Aguinaldo, Ralph Guzman, Jun Veneracion, Lei Alviz, Maki Pulido, and Susan Enriquez!

(Some cheers and boos.)

MC: Another powerhouse team, don’t you agree, Arbet?

AL: Yeah, Michael, I cannot dispute that. But this is wrestling, you cannot tell what will happen. And knowing the referees, it is one way or the other.

MB: And tonigh’s referees, staying outside the ring – from ABC 5, Ed Lingao and Patrick Paez; from RPN 9, Aljo Bendijo, and Doris Bigornia.

AL: Whoah, Michael! This is huge! All of the referees were former ABS-CBN employees! This is incredible!

MC: Well, folks, will these referees be as objective, or will past experiences and allegiances affect their rulings? We will have to see till the bell signals the end of the match.

AL: I will have a hard time calling this match. There is just so many combatants, and I only have one multi-tasking brain!

(Ring bell is struck to signal the start match.)

MC: And here we go, folks! Thirty men and women, 15 on each side, each battling to survive and win! BTW, there are two championships to be disputed here – the Best in News championship and the Best Newscaster/Reporter championship. That is interesting, Arbet.

AL: I agree, Michael, everyone is currently thinking two things – to get the team belt, and the individual belt. And heaven knows how brain-wracking can that be.

MC: And speaking of brain wracking, Korina is currently hitting Mel on the head with her elbow. Mel is defenseless, Korina is relentless.

AL: Mel should come to her senses and stage a comeback, otherwise she’ll be peanuts for Korina.

Korina: Kaya mo pa Mel? Mayaman ka na eh, so eto pa para sa yo! (Korina hits another elbow on Mel.)

Mike: (Yelling, rushing towards Korina) Meeeeeeeeel!

MC: Wait, there’s Mike, Mike’s rushing to help Mel. Mike hits Korina with a clothesline, Korina is down! Mike now helps Mel. Oh, look, Ted’s coming, look out Mike! Mike was hit at the back with some axe handles!

Ted: T*do ka, Mike! (Hits Mike.)

AL: That was a stupid thing for Mike to do, this is not the time for such heroics! This is battle royale, you are up against 29 people! And oh, nice knee smash by Ted on Mike. That should hurt.

MC: If that did not hurt, that knee on the stomach will do. The ABS-CBN boys are ganging up on Mike, they are carrying him out, and BAM! He’s out folks, Mike’s the first to be eliminated!

AL: Nice teamwork by ABS-CBN boys, let’s see if the GMA team can regroup. I don’t think an all-ABS-CBN battle royale is exciting, so GMA should get their acts together.

MC: And whoah! Look at that! Arnold and Anthony are slugging it out! It’s a slugfest, Arnold lands a right, Anthony retaliates!

Anthony: Suko na, Arnold! Kulang ka sa ensayo, wag mo na ko pahirapan! (Hits Arnold.)

AL: Arnold is panting, he really needs to whip it out and exercise. Anthony is younger and despite just getting married, he is strong eh? Must be the balut.

MC: Ha ha ha! Anyway, Arnold is finally down, and Anthony’s landing some elbows! More elbow drops! Arnold is helpless! Anthony brings Arnold on the ropes, and a clothesline! Arnold is out! Arnold is out!

AL: It really pays to keep in shape, Michael. So remind me to exercise.

MC: The GMA girls, taking a cue from the ABS-CBN boys, are all hitting Bernadette! And look at Karen and Korina – they are just looking at the carnage! Can you believe that?

Bernadette: Help! Help!

Karen: Hmpt!

Korina: Hmpt!

AL: I can believe that, Michael. That’s showbusiness for you.

MC: But they are in the news department, Arbet.

AL: Same banana, Michael. Aren’t you entertained by their news?

MC: Oh boy, Bernadette’s being whipped up by her former colleagues, while Karen and Korina are watching. They surely are enjoying the carnage. Look, they are carrying Bernadette a la gorilla press, and there she goes!

AL: Finally, ABS-CBN is down by one. Poor Bernadette. Ego trumps teamwork, eh, Michael?

Alex: Yaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

MC: In that case, I agree. Look, Alex Santos is on a rampage! He’s hitting everyone from GMA! Right elbow to Raffy, left hand to Jun, right kick to Maki, and a left knee to Sandra! He sent them all on the ropes. And look, Raffy was clotheslined! He’s out! Raffy’s out! And another clothesline! Babye, Jun! And another clothesline! There goes Maki! Look out, Sandra! Susan pulls out Sandra, and Alex misses! He’s gone over, he’s out!

AL: Alex was awesome! He eliminated three, too bad Susan had the presence of mind to pull Sandra away. Nice one there, Susan.

MC: And speaking of Susan, look at that girl! She’s kicking Karen!

Karen: Aray! Aray!

Susan: Lampa! Eto sa yo! (Kicks Karen more.)

AL: Karen is helpless, Susan is just kicking her as if she’s dead meat!

(Henry rushes to Karen’s aid.)

MC: Henry’s rushing to help Karen, a right hand but wait! Susan blocks the right hand, kicks Henry to the groin! Ouch!

Henry: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Susan: Heh!

AL: That. Should. Definitely. Hurt.

MC: I agree. Susan’s pulling Henry by the hair, and there goes Henry!

AL: Look at that strength, Michael. Incredible.

MC: And she’s not through yet. Now she’s attacking Ricky!

Susan: Mag-exercise ka nga! Yah! (Lands a kick at Ricky.)

MC: Ricky’s hurt, Ricky’s hurt, he is not defending himself, Arbet.

AL: Exercise, Michael, exercise. Now there goes Ricky!

MC: Indeed Arbet! And now she’s attacking RG! But RG’s fighting back!

RG: Maldita ka! (Slaps Susan hard.)

Susan: Aray!

MC: Ooohhhhh!

AL: Ooohhhhh indeed Michael.

MC: RG lands a right on Susan, and a left. Susan kicks RG in the right knee, RG is down. Susan brings RG up, tosses him in the ropes, and Bam! A kick in the face! Susan sets RC on the ropes, and another kick, and there goes RG!

AL: You should never slap a woman, Michael, or suffer the consequence. RG learns that lesson, hard.

Adrian: RG! (Looks at Susan) Nakakarami ka na ah!

Susan: Baket? May angal ka?

MC: Oh look at that! Adrian’s really angry. He’s hitting Susan like there’s no tomorrow. A flurry of punches on the face, Susan’s not retaliating. It seems Susan’s down.

AL: Not now. She’s on a mean streak!

Cesar: Oi! Ako harapin mo!

MC: Cesar’s challenging Adrian. Adrian hits a right, Cesar blocks, Cesar hits a left, Adrian blocks. Adrian kicks Cesar on the knee, and Cesar his the ropes. But wait. Susan’s getting up. Look out Adrian!

Susan: Walang hiya ka! Eto na ko!

MC: Incoming clothesline! Adrian ducks! Susan hits Cesar with a clothesline! That was a hell of a clothesline! Cesar is out! Susan has accidentally eliminated Cesar! And Susan kicks Adrian in the abdominal area, pulls his hair, and throws him over the ropes!

AL: Now I am afraid of Susan, Michael. She’s one mean girl if you ask me.

MC: Alvin and Nelson are at it. Alvin runs to the ropes, rushes to Nelson, and an elbow smash! Nelson is down, but not for long. He hits Alvin with a left, and Alvin careens to the ropes. Nelson follows up with a clothesline, and there goes Alvin. But wait! Alvin holds on to the rope, and Nelson’s down! Both of them are out!

AL: I can see that Michael. I suggest you take a look at Oscar.

MC: And Ted’s simply hitting him with punches, like Oscar’s a punching bag.

AL: Serves him right for being repetitious at live reports.

MC: You are mean, Arbet. Anyway, Ted’s simply manhandling Oscar, and a sleeperhold on Oscar. How long will Oscar endure the hold? Not for long, Oscar is unconscious, Oscar is down on the canvas. Look, Ted’s rolling Oscar, and Oscar’s eliminated.

Ted: Konting praktis pa, bata.

AL: Go, Ted!

MC: And poor Israel! Susan’s sights are clearly on him.

(Crowd chants: Kay Susan Tayo!)

AL: Hear that, Michael? They are calling for Susan Roces!

MC: WHAT!

(Susan Roces walks along the entrance way, and stands at the ring side.)

MC: What the hell is she doing here?

AL: Beats me.

MC: Anyway, Sandra is manhandling Tintin, hits her with several whips, Tintin is on the ropes. Sandra is rushing, clearly a clothesline! What the heck! Susan Roces held the ropes, and both Sandra and Tintin are out!

AL: It seems Susan Roces has a grudge to settle against Sandra. Poor Sandra. May FPJ rest in peace.

Julius: Tintin! Arghhhh!

MC: Uh oh, Julius is on a rampage! He’s hitting everyone, including his co-anchors! A punch there, a kick here. Ralph retaliates, kicks him in the abdomen, sets him up for a suplex, bam! And a belly-to-belly suplex, bam! And Julius is down on the canvas, and Ralph hits a baseball slide, and Julius is eliminated!

AL: Passion can bring a person down, Michael. And Ralph’s showing some technical skills eh? Nice!

MC: Ralph’s too proud of himself, not noticing Jerry at his back. Cobra clutch! Cobra clutch!

AL: A deadly hold, Michael. Poor Ralph.

MC: Ralph is fading, fading. Looks like he’s unconscious. And Jerry throws him away!

AL: Look at Susan, Michael.

MC: OMG! Susan is a warfreak! She is now holding Israel in a Sharpshooter! Israel’s clearly in pain! He’s tapping out!

AL: He cannot tap out, Michael, you know that!

MC: Israel passes out in pain, she rolls him over, Israel’s eliminated.

AL: And while we are all amazed by Susan, Love has just eliminated Jerry. Let’s look at the replay, Michael.

(Replay showing Love hitting a low blow on Jerry, and then tossing him over the ropes.)

MC: In a blink of an eye! I cannot believe it!

AL: This is a battle royale, Michael, anything goes! Better believe it.

MC: Now, Anthony is kicking Love relentlessly. He sets her up for a German suplex. BAM! Anthony’s not releasing the hold! BAM!

Love: Aaray! Ano ba Anthony! Ayoko na!

Anthony: Heh!

MC: Still not releasing the hold, expect another suplex, and whoah! Love’s out!

AL: That’s one mighty trio of German suplexes! This match is exceeding my expectations, Michael! And if you notice, it’s an all-girl team for GMA, Michael.

MC: This does not bode well for GMA, Arbet. Look at that, Susan is again on a rampage, hitting Anthony with Irish whips! He must have a broken rib from those!

AL: Poor Anthony.

MC: Anthony reels in the ropes, Susan uses the opposite ropes for leverage, and SPEAR! SPEAR!

AL: And there goes Anthony.

MC: Susan should be the MVP for the GMA team. How many has she eliminated here? And she’s not resting, she’s now gunning her sights on Korina! Korina reels from a right, and Ouch! What a slap!

Susan: Panget ka!

Korina: Ted! Help!

MC: Ted comes to Korina’s rescue, but Susan holds her ground, blocking all his moves. But look! Korina hits Susan at the back! That’s foul!

AL: How many time will I tell you, Michael? Anything goes. And instead of complaining, where’s Lei.

MC: Lei? wait, where’s Lei? Replay?

(Replay shows Karen simply pushing Lei over the top rope.)

AL: *whistles* That was fast.

MC: Susan and Ted are still at it. Earlier, Susan hit Korina with an Irish whip, and while Korina’s down, Susan’s concentrating on Ted. But Ted is fighting back, punching left and right, pushing Susan to the ropes. Kara’s on Susan’s back, Susan hits Ted, no, she hit Kara in the process, and gone is Kara!

AL: Accidents do happen, Michael. Now it’s 3-on-2 against GMA.

MC: Susan keeps her sights on Ted, hits him left and right. She sets him up for a belly-to-belly suplex…

AL: Don’t do it, Susan!

MC: … and Ted flies to the ground!

Susan: (on the ropes) Belat!

AL: That is foolish of her.

MC: Korina is creeping behind Susan, and she pushes him away! Susan is gone!

AL: What a waste, Michael. She is on a roll, and she should have kept her focus. Pride really is deadly.

MC: And Mel’s on a precarious situation, 2-on-1. I can’t believe this! Karen and Korina, working together! I never thought I’d see the day! Karen and Korina are dealing axe chops on Mel, Mel is helpless. But look! Joey de Leon! Joey de Leon!

(Eat Bulaga theme playing, Joey de Leon walking towards the ring. Crowd chanting, “Bosing, bosing.”)

AL: What is he doing here? He is not from the news department. Call the security, get him out of here.

MC: Karen and Korina back away, aware of Joey’s presence. But wait a minute!

(Wowowee theme hits the arena.)

MC: But Willie’s injured in the previous match! How can he be here?

AL: I have no idea, Michael.

(Crowd boos.)

MC: And he’s here! Willie’s here! He’s on crutches! He’s approaching Joey, and hits Joey with the metal crutch! He’s not really that heavily injured! He searches below the ring, and a sledgehammer!

AL: This gets nasty, Michael.

MC: And bam! They better get security!

(Security gets in, hauls Willie away. An EMT takes Joey away.)

MC: Look at Mel, she’s distracted, get back at the fight, Mel! Korina and Karen hold each other’s hand, and a double clothesline! Mel is eliminated!

AL: Tsk. Eye on the ball, eye on the ball.

MC: And speaking of eyes, look at Karen and Korina. This will be a classic!

AL: Whatever the ending, ABS-CBN is the clear winner here, Michael.

Korina: Well, Karen, sampid ka lang naman eh. (Slaps Karen hard.)

Karen: And so? Palaos ka naman na eh. (Slaps Korina hard.)

MC: And now we have a rumble. Both pulling each other’s hair, Korina hitting Karen in the abdomen with a knee, and Karen lands an elbow on Korina’s back. More elbows at the back, Korina’s on her knees, Korina’s finally down. Karen applies the Boston crab.

AL: A good hold. Korina’s back is still reeling from those nasty elbows.

MC: Karen releases the hold, puts Korina up on the ropes, and a drop kick! Korina is over the rope, she’s out, but no! She got hold of the ropes! That was close.

AL: Yeah, it was. Lucky Korina.

MC: Karen keeps her cool, kicks Korina, drops an elbow. She hits the ropes, and a leg drop on Korina! Karen gets up, and goes over the turnbuckles, and what is she doing?

AL: Hopefully, something not stupid.

MC: And there she goes! A flying elbow drop! Korina cringes in pain! She gets Korina up her feet, and puts her on the top rope. And she’s probably going to do a spear. And she goes towards her, but what’s Mel doing over there! Karen hits Korina with a spear, Korina goes over, and Mel pulls the top rope down, and Karen is out! Who won? Who won?

AL: What is Mel doing here? She should be out of here!

MC: The referees are conferring. Maybe we should look at the reply.

(Replay shows Karen and Korina hitting the floor. Replay inconclusive of who touched the ground first.)

AL: Well, Michael, the referees will have a hard time on this one. It is too close to call.

MC: Indeed, Arbet. Wait, the referees are talking to Michael Buffer.

MB: Ladies and gentlemen: the referees have decided. The winner of the Best News Department championship is ABS-CBN!

(Crowd cheers; some few boos.)

AL: Logical, Michael. Karen and Korina were the last two in the ring, and they were both with ABS-CBN.

MB: And the referees have decided to award the Best Newscaster to (Buffer’s brow raised)… Noli de Castro?

MC and AL: NOLI DE CASTRO???!!!

(The Magandang Gabi, Bayan theme plays, and Noli de Castro enters the ring.)

MC: What the hell happened, Arbet?

AL: Beats me, Michael. This stinks!

MC: Oh well. What an ending.

AL: Yeah, right, Michael. It was a hell of a match, but the ending stinks. I suggest ABS-CBN files a protest.

MC: Anyway, the score is now tied at 1 per network. Clearly, The Network Wars are not yet through. we’d like to thank Radio Cubao, AWB Holdings, Baratillo@Cubao, and Exiled Productions. Join us again for another episode of Blood Feud: The Network Wars. Thanks for joining me, Arbet.

AL: An honor, Michael. Too bad the ending stinks.

MC: And thank you, folks, for watching. See you on the next match! In behalf of Arbet Loggins, this is Michael Cole saying, it ain’t over!

—

Playbill: BLOOD FEUD: THE NETWORK WARS: THINGS GET PERSONAL!!
First Match: Blood Feud — The Network Wars (Episode 1: HIGH NOON AT THE COLISEUM)